Whether you see warning signs in a friendship or think a loved one isn’t really who they say they are behind their “nice persona,” there are things you can look for to tell if the people in your life are telling you the truth.
Grayson, a psychology guide, says that there are signs that can help you understand the people in your life better and show you who isn’t really and completely there for you. He told you to look out for four red flags that would help you figure out if you know any users.
A psychologist gave these four signs that someone is only using you to get ahead the next time around:
1. They call you only when they need something
Being selfish is the most common sign of a “fake” friend. If you want to know if someone close to you is only interested in themselves, stop calling them and wait for them to get back to you.
Does this person ever text or call you to see how you’re doing or to set up a time to spend together? Are they only calling you when they need help or a favor?
People care about you even if you can’t give them anything. Your friends should treat you with respect, help you, and love you. If someone makes you show who you are or plays games with your friends, they’re not your friends.
2. They are nice to powerful and important people only
Some people’s basic ideas and ideals about friendship are based on transactions. Whether it’s a material good or the way they feel when they’re with other people, they only want to form relationships with people who can give them something.
That your friend or loved one only wants to be with you when you’re “thriving” or having a great time in life could be a sign that something is wrong.
Someone might be looking for a sense of security in someone else’s rank or power, or they might be dealing with personal insecurities, but it’s all just on the surface.
No matter what you have or how “powerful” you think you are, find people who love you.
3. They only say bad things about other people when they’re with you
Grayson said, “It’s likely that they’re telling other people the same thing about you.” Sometimes a little chatter with close friends is good for you, but only talking badly about other people in your relationships is unhealthy and shows.
On TikTok, psychiatrist Dr. Amen talked about how emotionally intelligent and self-assured people only make friends with people who accept them, love them no matter what, and don’t see their relationship as a transaction.
“They are self-disciplined,” he said. When you treat them well, they only do nice things for you. Your whole world will change if you can prove that.
4. They only talk about their own problems and never ask you about yours
Friends who feel “used” in their relationships and want to talk to professionals about how to set healthy limits can do so on Columbia Health’s “Go Ask Alice!” forum.
One writer wrote, “It feels like I carry the weight of their worlds with me all the time.” “I like that people think of me as “wise” because of the advice I give, but I feel used a lot of the time.”
If you’re always the “therapist” friend, don’t feel heard in talks, or get angry that you never have a safe place to vent, you might want to look at your relationships again.
Even if they don’t mean to, these people are taking advantage of you, whether it’s to improve their own mental health, get advice, or just enjoy having a friend who is always there for them.
Your friends and family should give you room, time, energy, and love no matter what. If spending time with these people makes you feel awkward, unheard, or worn out, you might want to think about how important this relationship is to your health.